That's why it's called the present. Holiday Gift Guide 2022
That's why it's called the present. Holiday Gift Guide 2022
Where your treasure is your heart will be also
For your brother
You are on the internet. Looking at gifts. For your brother. Last summer he ran barefoot across the whole beach. Face wet with light. My every color. My sky -
Forget colors. Forget the sky. This is about your brother. Who is crying alone in his room at midnight. Whose sobs sounds like waves breaking on the Atlantic Ocean. You love your brother, now suddenly you can hardly stand the sudden love flooding your chest for him ..
And you have no idea what he wants for Christmas.
How long has it been since you told him you loved him, held his wide shoulders, opened your eyes and said all the words? You’ve never done something so simple, so obvious, not because you’re young or dumb, not because you’re jealous or mean or incapable of crying, no, just because you don’t know what a gift is.
Give him rings from Verameat, bracelets and chains from Young Frank, Spotify premium, and a Polaroid. And tell him you love him every day of his life. And in the space between days.
(Adapted from ‘What Work Is’ by Phillip Levine)
For your ex
Resist the urge to send a pathetic gawky text. “Merry Christmas! 🎄” Respect yourself. If there is something you must say, say it in paper. Write a letter. When you’ve finished, tear it into many tiny pieces. Make a delicious cake from scratch while listening to Tchaik in your small clean kitchen. Stir the shreds of your letter into the batter. Bake and eat.
Give them your blessing
For the stranger
Is it weird to get her a gift? You don’t really know her. Or maybe you do. You see her at work/school/blah blah blah. You wonder what she’s like in bed. You want her to wonder back.
You need a gift that will show her how cool you are. Something classy and slightly anachronistic. Who knows? Maybe after a long night of studying/drinking/blah blah blah, she will lean her head on your shoulder and confess that she shuts people out because of her complicated history with her [REDACTED]. Jk could you imagine. No.
Give her a nightcap
Or an annotated copy of your favorite book
(Adapted from Audrey Rabinovitz’s holiday gift guide)
For the friend with benefits
“If indeed you must be candid, be candid beautifully.” Gibran
Give them sincerity
For your parents
Give them each a painting of themselves
And a letter, not a card
For your best friend
The best gift is something that she desperately wants but would never buy. Like a sex toy or some ridiculously overpriced perfume.
Give her the Drunk Elephant cleansing oil. And a letter where you describe all your favorite things about her. The tiny things you notice that you’re not sure anyone else does.
From Rayne Fisher-Quann:
For your sister
Your sister does not want makeup, candy, money, jewelry, clothes, sports, or a vacation. She wants to sleep in the same bed with you curled up all night like two sardines in a can of sardines. The way it was and the way it will be.
For the warm blooded
Oh god he’s so hot that just looking at him makes your chest ache. Well if what you want is fucking, then give him this or this, whatever. But if you want him to tell you about his childhood fears and dreams .. ohh, maybe consider sitting this one out sweetheart. Remember: the surest cure for a crush is get to know them better.
Give him a way off the pedestal you’ve put him on. People are afraid of heights.
For the friend who keeps his room very clean
Give him a succulent. Or a small warm toned ambient lamp
For the friend who can’t keep her room clean
Johann Sebastian Bach, The Well-Tempered Clavier: 24 Preludes and Fugues
jk
Laundry pods
For your partner
Make a recipe book of the foods you have memories of eating together.
oat milk latte from that awkward cute first date at the coffee shop two blocks from the apartment
künefe from that Turkish place where she [REDACTED] you under the table
scrambled eggs the morning after
For the cool
Well he already has a New Yorker subscription .. and the Criterion Collection discs .. and when you go over to his place you wash your hands ten times just because the soap smells so good. But he’s not just about the aesthetic. He’s the only person you know who’s actually read War and Peace, and of course he read it in Russian (he doesn’t like either the Garnett or Pevear/Volokhonsky versions, but he thinks the Maude translation is fine). And yet, somehow, he never makes you feel embarrassed about the big red pasta stain on your shirt, or for not knowing the difference between Heidegger and Hegel. Tender, disciplined, and most definitely smarter than you .. you should take him to Chuck E Cheese.
For yourself
Think about the person you want to become. Does that person know Greek? Start learning Greek.
Take photos of yourself. Many photos. And learn to accept your face as it is. Not because you’re so beautiful (you are), but because this is your face and that’s what it is.
Be stoic when necessary and BE ALIVE - you have seen, felt, and suffered - your suffering is specific and universal - this is meaningful - BE ALIVE
(Adapted from Sylvia Plath’s diary)